Managing Homeschool Expectations: As a Mom with Chronic Illness
In order to get the full story, I have to go way back to after my daughter was born. I’m no stranger to autoimmune life. In a routine blood test when my daughter was 18 months old, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease, an autoimmune disease that causes an overproduction of thyroid hormone. As a new mom, I figured the symptoms I was experiencing were normal: fatigue, weight loss, mood swings. Who isn’t tired when they have a tiny human that hates sleep?
Once we realized there was an underlying cause, it made sense to have my thyroid surgically removed.
One symptom of graves disease is weight loss. I lost 70 pounds before my daughter’s first birthday.
In March of 2020, I began showing mild symptoms of what was later diagnosed as a chronic pain disease. I’ve always been relatively healthy, I ate well, and tried to be as active as I could with a 6-year-old and a 7-month old. I was less than 1 year out of running the Pittsburgh half marathon. When I try to track my symptoms, I can see how the were there the most obvious being loss of feeling in my feet and legs.
In October of 2020, I was diagnosed with celiac disease, an autoimmune disease that causes an immune reaction to gluten. That winter, I began noticing issues with joint, nerve, and muscle pain. It took 6 months of tracking my symptoms and changing my doctor to start getting answers.
This winter, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition that causes widespread nerve, muscle, and joint pain, as well as fatigue and memory issues. It seems as if my condition is made worse in the cold weather and barometric pressure changes.
On my best winter days, my pain level is a dull annoyance that sits in the back of my mind. Similar to someone sitting next to you and poking your arm every few minutes.
On my worst days, I find myself under a weighted blanket, reading to my kids and assigning independent work to my 2nd grader. The pain takes the focus of my attention. On my worst days, I lose mobility in my hands, feeling in my legs, the nerves behind my eyes, ears, and my back burn, and I can’t think straight for more than a couple minutes. On the sad face to happy face scale, I’m firmly in the sad face category.
Homeschooling as a mom with a chronic pain disease means that I’ve had to adjust my expectations in order to accomplish what needs to be done. As someone who holds high expectations of themselves, this has been a really difficult thing for me.
Establishing a set of routines: I do best when there are routines in place. A set start time for school, a schedule of lessons, knowing when rest time/nap time are helps me move to the next thing. We have a pretty strict daily homeschool schedule that I try to keep to. We do the core subjects and add in 1-2 loop subjects a day. This allows me to focus on only what that day needs instead of trying to cram in extra because I’m behind or feeling well on a certain day. It also gives my daughter stability in knowing what will happen each day.
Outsource what I can: When I started homeschooling, I didn’t like the idea of outsourcing anything. I felt like I needed to be hands on in teaching her all the things. Now? Spanish lessons online and through an app. Art lessons are accomplished through a subscription service. Audio books are my best friend, and we do workbooks for spelling, copy work, and independent language arts. I purposefully picked curriculum from trusted companies to take the ease off me creating things. Outsourcing saves me some days and it doesn’t make our homeschool any worse off, it also allows me to save my energy for things that I can’t outsource.
Know my limits and be honest: Over the last year, I’ve learned to be honest with myself and others about my limitations. When friends know the scope of my chronic pain and fatigue, they’re more understanding to canceled or changed plans. What is hardest for me is that, I don’t often “look sick”. There are times when I need to say no to a project or something extra because I lack the capacity to do it or it will burn me out in other areas. All of this is ok, for the most part, I’ve been met with grace and understand from family and friends.
Allocate my spoons correctly: As a homeschooling mom with a chronic illness, my main priority is homeschooling. So I try to allocate my time and energy in order to have my best hours of the day for homeschool. Does this always happen? No, not always. Do I try? Yes, everyday I try to allocate the correct number of spoons to homeschool and rest when I can in order to give my best in this area. Even if it’s couch schooling with a pile of books, weighted blanket, and a cup of tea.
I can’t say this winter has been easy, feeling what I hope is the full intensity of my illness. There have been multiple doctors appointments, procedures, and tests. Balancing a small business, homeschooling, regular life, and everything a chronic illness entails has pushed me harder than I’m willing to admit most days. Chronic illness and homeschooling can be hard, but as a friend told me recently, hard doesn’t always mean bad.
My hope is to navigate this journey gracefully and find the joy in living life with a chronic illness, especially in our homeschool
