Social Media Consent With My Young Children
“Mom, I don’t feel comfortable with you posting my pictures to social media.” My 8-year-old daughter spoke these words to me several months ago as my instagram profile started gaining more followers.
In our home, we began the discussions over consent from an early age. We teach our children that their bodies are theirs and their no’s mean no. If they don’t want a hug or a kiss, they aren’t expected to give one. The phrase “I feel touched out” is spoken and respected. At one point, my 3-year-old stomped his tiny foot with fierce determination and said, “Mom! Respect my no!”
So when my daughter came up to me and withdrew consent over having her picture posted publicly, my only answer was, “of course!”. She sat down with me and we pulled all of the pictures of her she didn’t want online from my feed and came up with rules.
I’m allowed to post pictures of her where her face is not showing.
She’d prefer I not share important of details about her school work or struggles.
Any picture or story I post is approved by her
Honestly, it’s not easy. Having a public homeschooling profile and not sharing pictures of my kids is difficult. They’re cute, they’re funny, and as their mom, I want to share about them. But they’re also born persons and in respecting their personhood, I’m giving autonomy over that decision to them. In my 8-year-old’s case, we talk a lot about social media safety and she’s actively involved in my social media platform. I let her know where we are taking pictures for instagram or a unit. Sometimes she’ll give me permission to post her picture.
In our family, we make an effort not to publicly share our children’s academic accomplishments or struggles. While sharing online, we have also decided not to share difficult things our children go through. That’s not to say our homeschool or family is without struggles, it absolutely is, but we choose to remain private about many things. What comes across to some as a highlight reel on social media is an act of love and privacy for our children. When we do see a need to have a conversation, we will talk to a trusted person who knows our children and can help.
Since my son is not able to consent, we decided not to post public pictures of him on social media.
While our choices are what is right for our family right now, it doesn’t mean it’s what is right for everyone. On my instagram page, I feel comfortable with the amount I share about myself while still respecting the personhood of my children and their right to privacy. As parents, we are our children’s first example in consent. If I teach them that their no’s don’t actually mean no, how can they trust that others will respect them too?
So, I keep my kids identity off social media and that’s ok! Because I’m building trust with my daughter and teaching her that when she sets a boundary, it should be respected.
