“The Best of their Mother”: Self Care for the Homeschool Mom
Recently I finished reading “The Story of Charlotte Mason” by Essex Cholmondeley While I’ve been homeschooling according to the Charlotte Mason method for 6 years, this was the first time I had read her biography. An area that struck me was Essex’s documentation of Charlotte’s chronic pain disease.
In a letter towards the end of her life Charlotte wrote, “I take great pains to go on living”. As a person who also struggles with a chronic pain disease, this quote made me put my book down. It’s a common joke in the Charlotte Mason community that she was able to do all the things that she accomplished because she didn’t have children. We’re all the perfect mother until we have kids, right?
Charlotte Mason said that our children are to have “The Best of their Mothers”. If I’m being honest, giving others the best of. myself when I don’t feel my best can feel unreasonably hard. In reading The Story of Charlotte Mason, I came to the realization that while Charlotte didn’t have biological children, she acted as she expected a mother would. She nurtured, encouraged, and helped young women and children across England. She gave them the best of herself while taking great pains to continue to do so. Because she believed her task was worthwhile and worthy.
Motherhood is a sacred calling, a journey that shapes not only the lives of our children but also our own hearts. As homeschool moms committed to the Charlotte Mason philosophy, we know the profound responsibility of being our children’s first and most enduring teachers. But sometimes, in the midst of lesson plans, chore charts, and endless to-dos, it’s easy to lose sight of something vital: the best gift we can give our children is ourselves, whole and healthy, flourishing as the persons God created us to be.
Charlotte Mason, a woman of extraordinary insight into the heart of education, reminds us that the mother is essential in the home, and the children take their cue from her. If we want to nurture curiosity, wonder, and a love of learning in our children, we must first nurture these qualities in ourselves. Here are some ways to embrace your role as a mother-educator while also taking care of your own soul.
1. See Yourself as a Whole Person
Charlotte Mason taught that children are born persons. But let us not forget that mothers are persons too, with minds to cultivate, souls to nourish, and hearts to fill. Mason wrote, “A mother must have time to herself. She must have a place to retire, and it is better for the household if everyone knows that when she is there she is not to be disturbed.”
Take time to learn something new, read a book that inspires you, or simply enjoy moments of quiet reflection. Just as you carefully choose living books for your children, choose books for yourself that enrich your mind and spirit. Pursue your own hobbies or interests, even if only for a few minutes each day. Doing so models for your children what it means to be a lifelong learner.
2. Rest is Not a Luxury—It’s Essential
Motherhood often feels like a 24/7 job, and homeschooling adds another layer of responsibility. But rest is not indulgence; it’s obedience to the natural rhythms of life God has set for us. “A mother who is herself in good spirits is the better able to impart courage and cheerfulness to her children,” Mason reminds us.
Prioritize sleep. Say no to commitments that drain your energy without bringing life to your family. Schedule Sabbath moments, whether that’s an afternoon tea with your favorite book, a nature walk by yourself, or simply sitting in silence with a warm cup of coffee. Rest renews your perspective and equips you to serve your family joyfully.
3. Feed Your Soul Alongside Theirs
Just as our children need nourishing ideas to grow, so do we. Mason’s words encourage us: “A habit of reading and delight in good books… should be a part of the mother’s life.” As you guide your children through Scripture, poetry, or great literature, take time to linger over the words yourself. Journal your reflections. Discuss big ideas with your spouse or a friend.
Cultivating a habit of daily prayer and meditation can also anchor your days. As you prioritize time with God, you’ll find His peace and wisdom infusing your home.
4. Practice Grace—With Your Children and Yourself
Homeschooling is full of beautiful moments, but let’s be honest: it’s not all picture-perfect. There will be days when the math lesson ends in tears (maybe yours) or when your children seem to have forgotten everything you’ve taught them. Extend grace to your children, but don’t forget to extend it to yourself too.
Charlotte Mason observed, “The mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days.” Building habits takes time, for your children and for you. When things go awry, take a deep breath, reset, and remember that perfection is not the goal; faithfulness is.
5. Build a Support Network
One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself as a homeschool mom is a community of like-minded friends. Whether it’s a local co-op, a small group at church, or an online community, surrounding yourself with encouragement and wisdom from other mothers can help you feel less alone.
Share your victories and struggles. Swap book recommendations or teaching ideas. Pray for one another. This camaraderie will remind you that you are part of a larger story, a sisterhood of mothers raising the next generation with love and purpose.
6. Remember the End Goal
Charlotte Mason’s philosophy is not about producing academic prodigies or perfectly obedient children. It’s about raising whole persons, who are curious, kind, and deeply connected to their Creator and His world. And the best way to do this is to model it.
Let your children see you marvel at the beauty of a sunset, wrestle with a challenging idea, or serve others with humility. As Mason says, "Education is an atmosphere, a discipline, a life." Your life, dear mother, is the first and most important example your children will ever see.
Encouragement for the Journey
Motherhood, especially homeschooling, is a path of self-sacrifice. But it is also a path of immense joy and growth. Take heart in knowing that your daily acts of love, however small, are weaving a tapestry of beauty in your children’s lives.
As you care for your children, do not forget to care for yourself. Nurture your mind, body, and soul, so that you can give them not just a tired, weary version of you but the best of their mother.
